Recently a good friend of mine confided she had been seriously struggling with getting back into the dating pool because she felt flawed and unworthy of love. Not aesthetically flawed, but after having to pivot and reestablish her footing in life, her career and finances were not in the best shape. She admitted to feeling paralyzed with shame that she didn't have it all together, and that it had been easier for her to just hide. In that moment she realized she had been chasing The Checklist and destroying her sense of self-worth in the process.
It never occurred to her that she is deserving of love, regardless of the life stage she's in.
This realization was a real A-HA moment she needed to sit with.
I began to wonder how many other Black women feel like they need to qualify for love, like they're applying for a job or something. Where do these beliefs stem from, and are these beliefs contributing to the single Black female statistics?
What makes someone a "good catch"?
What are some of the most absurd criteria you believed you needed to meet to be considered a great catch? A checklist may include career, money, appearance and social status, but none of those categories necessarily speak to the actual character of a person. Checking every box does not guarantee a successful relationship.
Have you been disqualifying yourself from love because you have areas of your life you need to work on? Your worth is not postponed until every part of life is polished. It is possible to acknowledge what needs attention without treating yourself as unworthy in the meantime.